15 (the break-up)

I wanted to go to the beach. But Joe didn't want to go to the beach. So I asked Yen Ni, who said okay. But then she canceled on me. And she suggested that I ask Lei. But Joe and I both thought that if I am alone with Lei at a beach, possibly for an evening in a hotel, there is a good chance she might jump my bones. Jun couldn't go, 'cause he was going to Cannes (which is how I discovered that Cannes is in France, not in Italy. Whoops.) So I asked Seika, who was all about it. But Seika is part of a very tight social group. And if you get one of 'em, you get all of them. Which is how I came to be one American male visiting the beach with four Japanese girls. But that's another story.

I am a strong believer in 'the more, the merrier' so while walking with Yen Ni and another friend, Monica, I asked Monica if she would like to come too. (In spite of her name, Monica is actually Chinese. She chose her "international" name because she really loves the song "Santa Monica" by Savage Garden.) Monica is a little on the sheltered side. Here's how the convo went down:

Nicolas: ...so I am trying to get as many people as I can to come.
Monica: Who is going?
Nicolas: Uhh, Seika, Mayumi, Mai and Akane.
Monica: Yen Ni's not going?
Yen Ni: No, I can't, but you should go. It'll be great!
Nicolas: Yeah, it'll be super fun.
Yen Ni: Do you have a bikini?
Monica: What?
Nicolas: What?
Yen Ni: Well, you have to wear a bikini. You are going with a bunch of Japanese girls and they are all going to wear bikinis.
Monica: Uhhh...
Nicolas: You do not have to wear a bikini. You can wear whatever you want.
Yen Ni: No, you really do need to. That's the whole point. You go to the beach with Japanese girls and they all wear bikinis and look really cute. You should go buy one.
Monica: Uhh, I don't know.
Nicolas: No, you don't need to wear a bikini! I'm not gonna wear a bikini. Bikinis are not the point! Water is the point! I want to go swimming and if you want to go swimming, you should come too.
Yen Ni: In a bikini.

Zoom ahead a week. I have recruited no one else for the beach, so it still stands at five. Monica hasn't mentioned it again. I see her in the hallway.

Nicolas: Hey, are you still interested in going to the beach?
Monica: Uh, maybe.
Nicolas: 'K, 'cause I bought my ticket for the train already, so if you want to go, here's the info. You'll have to buy your own ticket.
Monica: Uh, okay. I'll let you know.
Nicolas: Sounds good.

(A note to provide setting for the next part: Monica and I have hung out a total of four times, always with a group of students, always at Mardi Café on Tuesdays and usually with Yen Ni, whom I pretty much drool over the whole time. Monica and I have never even been alone together.)

So later that same day, I am in Grammar next to Yen Ni when Monica walks into class five minutes late. She walks up to my desk, pauses then drops a note on my desk. Then she walks to the back of the class.

Nicolas: Psst! Monica just gave me a note!
Yen Ni: She what?
Nicolas: She handed me a note! What is this, grade school?
Yen Ni (who loves drama): What's it say?! What's it say?!
Nicolas: I don't know, I haven't opened it.
Yen Ni: Well, why not?
Nicolas: 'Cause I'm afraid!

I waited till after class and then I read the note aloud to Yen Ni outside. I will attempt to translate it as directly as possible. All grammatical and technical errors are intentional.

"I will say what I think:

At the beginning. I have already decided not to go there. The reason is very simple. I cannot imagine, on the beach. A boy with a group of girls in bikini? It's not possible for me! It's totally like a Playboy party. I don't know what you want. Maybe for you that's normal. I am sorry also. I haven't told you my plan. . .Indeed, I have reserved this activity for a long time. The goal is very simple too. I should integrate myself into France . . contact with the French. For future. . I am egoism. I swear. Pardon. . It is my fault.

I am happy that you talked to me a lot, you invite me to Mardi Café. It was really well spent. Thanks to you I have changed a lot. But. We are very different. I don't know how to do music, nothing. When you talk with Yen Ni. I think that you are happier. No? I am sad, awkward. . . like an "outsider" . . .

Today, Pardon, If you think that I am unpardonnable. Forget me. This is my fault.

Monica