15 (the break-up)

I wanted to go to the beach. But Joe didn't want to go to the beach. So I asked Yen Ni, who said okay. But then she canceled on me. And she suggested that I ask Lei. But Joe and I both thought that if I am alone with Lei at a beach, possibly for an evening in a hotel, there is a good chance she might jump my bones. Jun couldn't go, 'cause he was going to Cannes (which is how I discovered that Cannes is in France, not in Italy. Whoops.) So I asked Seika, who was all about it. But Seika is part of a very tight social group. And if you get one of 'em, you get all of them. Which is how I came to be one American male visiting the beach with four Japanese girls. But that's another story.

I am a strong believer in 'the more, the merrier' so while walking with Yen Ni and another friend, Monica, I asked Monica if she would like to come too. (In spite of her name, Monica is actually Chinese. She chose her "international" name because she really loves the song "Santa Monica" by Savage Garden.) Monica is a little on the sheltered side. Here's how the convo went down:

Nicolas: ...so I am trying to get as many people as I can to come.
Monica: Who is going?
Nicolas: Uhh, Seika, Mayumi, Mai and Akane.
Monica: Yen Ni's not going?
Yen Ni: No, I can't, but you should go. It'll be great!
Nicolas: Yeah, it'll be super fun.
Yen Ni: Do you have a bikini?
Monica: What?
Nicolas: What?
Yen Ni: Well, you have to wear a bikini. You are going with a bunch of Japanese girls and they are all going to wear bikinis.
Monica: Uhhh...
Nicolas: You do not have to wear a bikini. You can wear whatever you want.
Yen Ni: No, you really do need to. That's the whole point. You go to the beach with Japanese girls and they all wear bikinis and look really cute. You should go buy one.
Monica: Uhh, I don't know.
Nicolas: No, you don't need to wear a bikini! I'm not gonna wear a bikini. Bikinis are not the point! Water is the point! I want to go swimming and if you want to go swimming, you should come too.
Yen Ni: In a bikini.

Zoom ahead a week. I have recruited no one else for the beach, so it still stands at five. Monica hasn't mentioned it again. I see her in the hallway.

Nicolas: Hey, are you still interested in going to the beach?
Monica: Uh, maybe.
Nicolas: 'K, 'cause I bought my ticket for the train already, so if you want to go, here's the info. You'll have to buy your own ticket.
Monica: Uh, okay. I'll let you know.
Nicolas: Sounds good.

(A note to provide setting for the next part: Monica and I have hung out a total of four times, always with a group of students, always at Mardi Café on Tuesdays and usually with Yen Ni, whom I pretty much drool over the whole time. Monica and I have never even been alone together.)

So later that same day, I am in Grammar next to Yen Ni when Monica walks into class five minutes late. She walks up to my desk, pauses then drops a note on my desk. Then she walks to the back of the class.

Nicolas: Psst! Monica just gave me a note!
Yen Ni: She what?
Nicolas: She handed me a note! What is this, grade school?
Yen Ni (who loves drama): What's it say?! What's it say?!
Nicolas: I don't know, I haven't opened it.
Yen Ni: Well, why not?
Nicolas: 'Cause I'm afraid!

I waited till after class and then I read the note aloud to Yen Ni outside. I will attempt to translate it as directly as possible. All grammatical and technical errors are intentional.

"I will say what I think:

At the beginning. I have already decided not to go there. The reason is very simple. I cannot imagine, on the beach. A boy with a group of girls in bikini? It's not possible for me! It's totally like a Playboy party. I don't know what you want. Maybe for you that's normal. I am sorry also. I haven't told you my plan. . .Indeed, I have reserved this activity for a long time. The goal is very simple too. I should integrate myself into France . . contact with the French. For future. . I am egoism. I swear. Pardon. . It is my fault.

I am happy that you talked to me a lot, you invite me to Mardi Café. It was really well spent. Thanks to you I have changed a lot. But. We are very different. I don't know how to do music, nothing. When you talk with Yen Ni. I think that you are happier. No? I am sad, awkward. . . like an "outsider" . . .

Today, Pardon, If you think that I am unpardonnable. Forget me. This is my fault.

Monica

14 (soirée)

Last night was the Soirée internationale. That means a big talent show for all the kids in CIDEF. With not try-outs. Here are the highlights.

1.
(During a traditional dance by a Chinese girl dressed in vibrant colors, sparkles and a gold crown and claws.)

Nicolas: Is she a fish?
Joe: I'm gonna say dragon. It's kind of their thing.
Nicolas: Yeah, that and overpopulation.

(We found out later that she was actually from Tai Wan.)

2.
(During a martial arts (Tai Chi?) performance by a guy dressed in a white silk shirt and pants)

Nicolas: He's gonna do Kung Fu stuff!
Joe: I don't think that's the correct term...
Nicolas: Wouldn't this be better if he were performing to "Kung Fu Fighting" by Carl Douglas? I don't know how he can get all agitated at the air like that when he's wearing those pajamas. He must be so comfortable.
Joe: Five bucks says I can take him.

3.
(During another traditional dance from Tai Wan.)

Joe: These countries have the most boring dances ever.
Nicolas: And the music sounds like Rain Forest Café.
Joe: This would definitely be enhanced by an animatronic gorilla.

4.
(During the dance routine by 15 Japanese girls and our main man Jun, who were all dressed as soccer (football) players.)

Joe: I gotta get on this soccer team.
Nicolas: I wanna be goalie. Then I can use my hands.

5.
(After the soirée, while discussing some of the aforementioned Japanese girls.)

Nicolas: ...no, not your Yuka, the one I like. My Yuka.
Joe: I love how you claim them.
Nicolas: It's like fantasy football!

6.
Nicolas: Anyway, I don't think she is as cute anymore. Well she is super cute, but just until she opens her mouth. She has little teeth.
Joe: Baby teeth? How can she eat a sandwich?

7.
(While leaving the bar and arguing about driving)

Yen Ni: Back in Tai Wan, I drive a moto.
Nicolas: Back in the states, I drive a car.
Yen Ni: Well, I drive a truck!
Nicolas: I drive a mini-van!
Yen Ni: I drive a school bus!!!
Nicolas: I drive an airplane!!!
Yen Ni: WELL I DRIVE A STAR WARS!

13 (awkward)

So here's a quick one:

After a day of laundry and reading and not much else, I fell into a nap at 20h00. I reawoke at 21h00, read some more, ate a snack and then went to bed at 23h00 so as to be well-rested for class at 9h00 the next day.

Instead, I laid in bed until 4h00 at which point I began a dream that involved me trying not to fall off of something vague and big. At the last moment, I realized it was a dream and woke myself up. But instead of actually waking up, I began another dream where I scaled jungle walls to avoid being eaten by the leopard who was bearing down on me.

I woke up from this dream at 5h00. I woke up two more times before getting up at 8h00. I do not know why I have such a wack time sleeping. Yen Ni says it's because I am sensitive. I wonder if sensitive people have an acute fear of large cats and heights.

(note: I am in the library and there is a guy in here who must be a monk or something because he is old and wearing a robe and looks like he is going to cast a spell on me. He isn't even reading anything, just wandering around and openly surveying people. Perhaps he is a magic security guard. If he starts scoping me out, I am going to sneak up on him later and "accidentally" step on his robe. Ha! Like a "flat tire" for clergy!)

But the really story is that I got an unprecedented e-mail from my estranged peer Anna. We haven't spoken in two months because of blah blah blah. But today I discovered she sent me a link to a video about a guy who has trouble picking up chicks because of language difficulties. Which is pretty much my life. Because I was so surprised by this message, I forwarded it to Yen Ni and said "Hey, Anna e-mailed me. Bizarre." followed by some nonsense about the three girls who have crushes on me and how I am trying to get them all to go on this beach trip with me and some other Japanese girls. Why? Well, because I love awkward situations.

Except that I actually sent that message to Anna.

(This freaking monk is doing it again! When he turns, his robe flows around him mystically. I think he does it on purpose, stopping with just the right momentum and twist to let rotational inertia turn him into a mini maypole. I also think those robes make you go bald only in the middle of your scalp.)

So after doing a Google search for "Can I unsend a message in Gmail?" and discovering the answer is:
1) No
2) If you make sure that your message is correct before clicking send, you do not need to do that.
3) Yes, if you crash the server at the same time that you send the message. Not that you can do that now?
4) NO.
5) What are you, stupid?

I decided to be a man and send Anna a follow up message:
"hey.
i was supposed to send that message to yen ni.
uh... it's only awkward if you let it?"

I wish creating these situations was a marketable skill. I don't know anyone who is as pro at it as me. Maybe I could get a job writing for The Office and just recount the events of my daily life.

And now I am going to find a couple with their arms around each other and sneak my arm around the girl to see how long it takes her to realize her boyfriend's gained an extra appendage.